Posts by Frazzled UBM

27

Does anyone in the UK recall the JW story/urban myth

by jambon1 in

jw
friends

about a member of slade becoming a jw in later life & refusing the royalties from their famous christmas song?.

Does anyone in the UK recall the JW story/urban myth

by jambon1 in

jw
friends

about a member of slade becoming a jw in later life & refusing the royalties from their famous christmas song?.

Frazzled UBM

That is so disappointing - I loved Slade as a kid, including their Xmas song. Maybe his mind was softened by enjoying too much of the good life in the 70s.

57

oh dear I think I messed up and pushed too hard

by Frazzled UBM in

reading all the posts on the wt study on higher education and careers really fired me up yesterday.

i have 2 undergraduate and 2 postgraduate degerees and a career as a result which allows me to provide well for my jw wife and son.

i was already unhappy because after 5 or 6 weeks of not going and appearing to be making progress she went back on sunday for the second sunday in a row and as usual was away all day.

Thanks Carla - very helpful. She is a born-in but was df'd 8 years ago and then reinstated 2 years ago and it is only in that time I got to understand the full horror. She fluctuates in her zealotry. Xmas is a bad time - lots of conflict as she drags her heals on whatever I try to organise with family and friends which makes me resentful and causes me to hit back by attacking ridiculous doctrine and then the downward spiral starts. I certainly see it as a mental problem - she is emotionally retarded by it. Hopefully things will get better in the new year. My son is safe as long as I am in the picture which is why I have toi tread carefully as he is only 7.

20

Merry Christmas

by jhine in

jw
friends

hi, i have not been on much lately due to family circumstances , but i would like to wish everyone on jwn .

a very merry christmas .

please use this thread everyone to add your own christmas greetings .

Frazzled UBM

Nice Lisa Rose - unfortunately I have a bar humbug Witness in my house trying her best to ruin my son's and my Xmas

57

oh dear I think I messed up and pushed too hard

by Frazzled UBM in

reading all the posts on the wt study on higher education and careers really fired me up yesterday.

i have 2 undergraduate and 2 postgraduate degerees and a career as a result which allows me to provide well for my jw wife and son.

i was already unhappy because after 5 or 6 weeks of not going and appearing to be making progress she went back on sunday for the second sunday in a row and as usual was away all day.

Frazzled UBM

carla, jgnat and garyneal - thanks for your comments. One thing that concerns me is that if she stays in over time we will have very little in common as the cult consumes so much of her time outside of work and it is her only social network and we have no social network in common and it is difficult for me to get her to agree to ahve people around who are not my family or it we do she doesn't engage with them. Doing stuff as a family only takes you so far. There is a lot of slience between us as I search for an acceptable topic of conversation within her limited range of non-cult interests. She loves a good natural disaster though but that only takes me so far because I know why she is so interested. So my long term prognosis for the marriage is not optimistic if she stays in the cult. How did you guys deal with this? I know jgnat has good strategies in this regard but how about you other guys - did this become an issue for you?

57

oh dear I think I messed up and pushed too hard

by Frazzled UBM in

reading all the posts on the wt study on higher education and careers really fired me up yesterday.

i have 2 undergraduate and 2 postgraduate degerees and a career as a result which allows me to provide well for my jw wife and son.

i was already unhappy because after 5 or 6 weeks of not going and appearing to be making progress she went back on sunday for the second sunday in a row and as usual was away all day.

Frazzled UBM

jwfacts - 'Why are you so worried about what she believes?...that she had before she met you' Fair point though she has changed and reneged on things she agreed to before we got married such as not trying to bring our son up as a Witness and not creating problems with celebrating Xmas and birthdays. Also since she was d'fd and reinstated she has become more zealous and spends all day every Sunday away from us. So I do think there is a lot of collateral damage to me from her involvement including: not being able to socialise as a normal couple would, not being able to celebrate birthdays and Xmas without a drama, her having this whole secret life that I am excluded from but knowing that it portrays me in a very negative light and now having to reamin silent about the irrationality fo it all. So while I clearly know tha twhat you say is correct - it rankles. Hence why I am Frazzled.

57

oh dear I think I messed up and pushed too hard

by Frazzled UBM in

reading all the posts on the wt study on higher education and careers really fired me up yesterday.

i have 2 undergraduate and 2 postgraduate degerees and a career as a result which allows me to provide well for my jw wife and son.

i was already unhappy because after 5 or 6 weeks of not going and appearing to be making progress she went back on sunday for the second sunday in a row and as usual was away all day.

Frazzled UBM

I think the comments about the social aspects and the family disappointment and the trying to please everyone are pretty much on the money. That is one of the reasons I suspect Steve Hassan's methods are unlikely to be successful. My son and I are the only non-JW family she has so it will be very difficult to prevail over the weight of JW family and friends. The idea of creating an alternative Filipino network is a good one and I have been encouraging that as she has a Filipina friend at work. I am perhaps being a bit too transparent - I suggested she invite them over on Xmas Eve and that we invite other friends as well. She put the Kaibosh on that saying she wanted a quiet time. Xmas Eve was probably the wrong time to suggest. I remain concerned that in a moment of cult-inspired madness she may try and take my son with her to the Philippines to remove my Satanic influence and get him to agree to indoctrination (against my bette judgement I have taken the passports out of hiding). I put this to her this morning and she didn't deny that she was contemplating it. So I need to tread very carefully. I also took the opportunity to point out to her how difficult her involvement in the organisation made things for us (by way of example I pointed out that Xmas used to be my favourite time of the year but because of the drama she generates around it, it is now my least favourite) and that no other religious organisation seek to dictate to beleivers what education they should or shouldn't pursue. I pointed out to her that WBTS attitudes to worldly people generally were insulting but that the WBTS comments about Satanic influnce motivating higher education and pursuit of careers was particularly insulting to me and she should have recognised that.

I remain of the view that I am not being oversensitive in taking offense at the suggestion I have a mail-order bride and I am grateful for the supportive comments on this subject.

54

How can i continue my fade vs the rubber band theorem that pulls my wife in

by DS211 in

jw
friends

im at a crossroads my friends.

im beginning to feel that my oppurtunities to get my wife out are waning.

weve misssed many meetings she still smokes a cig a day.

Frazzled UBM

I agree that there is something about Xmas that spurs the cult persona. I have noticed that with my wife too - she had been doing really well until Xmas loomed. I used to enjoy Xmas but I can see that it may become something I dread. All I can say is that we have to play the long game - getting your hopes up too soon leads to disappointment when things revert and then you can do something out of frustration that sets things back even further. I ahve learnt that the hard way as my post from yesterday shows. Good luck and hang in there.

57

oh dear I think I messed up and pushed too hard

by Frazzled UBM in

reading all the posts on the wt study on higher education and careers really fired me up yesterday.

i have 2 undergraduate and 2 postgraduate degerees and a career as a result which allows me to provide well for my jw wife and son.

i was already unhappy because after 5 or 6 weeks of not going and appearing to be making progress she went back on sunday for the second sunday in a row and as usual was away all day.

Frazzled UBM

Adamah: 'So when someone in the UK reports being married to a filipina, the first question in my mind is how they came into contact.' Adamah - there is this amazing thing called air travel that allows people from one country to travel to other countries, meet and form genuine relationships and marry without ulterior motives. I have lived in six different countries in my life time and my wife has lived in four. Apart from Filipinos living in Cyprus there is a large community in the UK. The planet is shrinking and more people than ever before live as expats or haven't you caught up with that trend. So your question about how we met and your assumption about the answer reflect on you because the more obvious answer is that we met in the UK, the Philippines or some third country. A simple apology for the slur implicit in your question would have sufficed.

57

oh dear I think I messed up and pushed too hard

by Frazzled UBM in

reading all the posts on the wt study on higher education and careers really fired me up yesterday.

i have 2 undergraduate and 2 postgraduate degerees and a career as a result which allows me to provide well for my jw wife and son.

i was already unhappy because after 5 or 6 weeks of not going and appearing to be making progress she went back on sunday for the second sunday in a row and as usual was away all day.

Frazzled UBM

Adamah was out of line with his mail order bride comment WTF